Oh, wow: a hopefully funny story
by Dark knightress
Summary: DV. You'll encounter Evil Phantom, Veggie Burgers, and some kind of powder. Tired of all the angsty stories out there? Well read this and don't feel depressed afterwards! Very out of the ordinary, your interest is piqued, no? Yes! Hooray! Review!
1. Veggie burger's final stand

**Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to my first Danny Phantom Fanfic.**

**I hope you enjoy it and you know what other emotions you typical humans usually display. If you have any ideas to make it suck less, just review and tell me what to do. There might be some minor Danny-Valerie in it. I don't know. Oh, and if it seems a little Out of character or something just tell me. **

**Please, guide me!**

**On with the story!**

**Oh yeah, the disclaimer: Danny Phantom and all that paraphanalina will someday belong ot me. Just not today.**

* * *

It was lunchtime, and as usual Danny Fenton was sitting at his usual table in the back with his 2 friends Sam Manson and Tucker Foley. He was sitting at the table vainly poking his lunch while his friends eyed him warily. 

"…Maybe if I get her in a cornered position with all of her weapons down, then I could tell her?"

As usual he was fruitlessly trying to concoct a plan to reveal his identity as ….

Dunna dunna dun his name's DANNY PHANTOM!!! (**a/n: Alright**).

At the same time he was obliviously driving Sam mad with jealousy and driving Tucker insane with his stupid, innocent, childlike not-knowing-that-Sam-likes-him nature. But don't worry.

Sam will get over it.

Some day.

Maybe with that guy from Hungary or wherever he was from.

Anyway…

Danny stabbed at his peas and turkey.

"Or maybe I could call ask her on a simple friendship based date and then at the end reveal myself. I mean, then she wouldn't have any weapons to immediately pull out. Hey, that just might work."

While Sam grew red with rage at the mere mention of a 'date', Tucker simply rolled his eyes. "Dude, you've got it bad. This thing with Valerie is going to get you in a lot of trouble.

Danny blushed and snapped out of his reverie. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't 'thing' for Valerie. She's one of my friends, and I simply want her to know the truth. The real me."

This drove Sam to the breaking point. "AT THE RISK OF BEING VAPORIZED?"

She stopped as everyone in that outdoor cafeteria stopped all conversation and stared at her. Being vaporized is not something you yell out in a lunch place. Maybe at a parade, but not a cafeteria.

Sam turned red and buried her face in her nasty veggie burger. Log that away for later, that veggie burger is going to make a comeback.

As the noise resumed, Tucker tried to make sense of what was going on with Danny.

This was not some mushy schoolboy crush. Danny might actually be in **love** with Valerie.

Tucker turned to look at Danny in full serious mode. "Dude, are you actually in **love **with her?"

At this point, Danny had managed to get some of those peas in his month and was trying to chew over another plan. So, when Tucker had the gall to make such a terse comment of course Danny choked.

That poor innocent boy began to cough and hack and beat his chest. His blue cheeks began to match his eyes. He was beginning to tear up and his eyes were red and weird.

And then he fainted.

If you've ever seen the show Spongebob Squarepants then you probably would've seen the episode where Squidward was choking on his fork after Spongebob and Patrick had the fight. Well Danny looked kind of like Squidward, except not a squid.

Danny woke up to the sight of a pair of greens eyes looking down in a concerned manner.

"Danny?!? Are you alright?!" This was the voice of the reason he had started choking in the first place.

Valerie Gray. Or Grey. However you spell that name.

He sat up abruptly only to fall back down very painfully. You know why?

Because Valerie had been leaning over him and looking into his eyes and so when he sat up BAM!

A clash of the foreheads as never before seen in the history of Casper High.

This caused both Val and Danny to cry out and hold there foreheads in pain, much to Sam's delight.

Danny sat up again, cautiously, and looks around. He saw Tucker and Sam staring at him, each with a different expression.

Tucker had on an expression of pure glee. He had this huge smile on and looked like he was trying not to laugh.

Sam, however, despite being happy when Danny and Val head-butted, each other didn't looked pleased. In fact, it looked like she was trying hard not to pound Danny into mush.

A very confused mush.

Val, on the other hand, after recovering from that mashing of foreheads, had on this little look of guilt and pleasure.

Guilty Pleasure.

"What happened? Did something happen?"

"Yep," Tucker said barely containing his laughter. "Something happened alright."

Sam, obviously annoyed with Tucker, was more helpful. "You blacked out after you choked on that pea. And then Valerie here took it upon herself to give you-," Sam seemed to have trouble saying this, "-C.P.R".

This stopped Danny dead in his tracks. You know how he always has some kind of witty comeback, but this time, he was speechless.

"I'm sorry! It's just that you were lying there and nobody else seemed to care!" Cried Valerie trying to defend herself.

"There are other ways to stop someone from choking!" Sam yelled.

"Well, I didn't see you trying to do anything!" Val screamed, rising to the challenge.

"Wait, stop! You're giving me a headache." Tucker said.

"Tuck, Sam could you give Val and me a couple of minutes alone please?" Danny asked.

Begrudgingly, Sam dragged Tucker away to a near by table and began staring at Val and Danny, as if trying to read their lips. Then Tucker said something causing Sam to lose all control and pounce on him.

Anyway…

"I know it's kind of embarrassing, but I had to do it! You were turning blue!" Val protested.

"Danny laughed, "Why are you apologizing? I should be thank you. If you hadn't come, Tucker might've been the one to give C.P.R!"

Val laughed, making an idea form into the ghost kid's brain.

"Hey Val, since you saved my life and all, I'd like to do something for you. Would you like…"

_Damn it! Danny thought. What was that plan I had before? It was so freakin' good! I can't believe I forgot it._

"Um…Would I like what? Danny are you okay? Your eyes are beginning to glaze over." Asked a very concerned Val.

"What? Oh yeah. Um…would you like me to-to…to walk you home?" exclaimed Danny.

Excellent, his plan is coming into play.

Val's eyes lit up. "Yeah, of course I would. Where do you want me to meet you?"

Danny hadn't thought about that. "…What about…in front of that big tree. Then we could take a little walk through the park. You know, to just talk and…stuff."

Val's eyes died down a little. "Danny, if this is your way of asking me on a date, I told you I can't! My life is just too complicated for you to have any part other than a friend.

_And, Val thought, because those stupid ghosts always show up there. Why can't they go some place normal? Like someone's basement, or a bathroom._

Wouldn't that absolutely scare the daylights out of you? You're trying to use the bathroom, and just when you open the lid BOOM! A ghost pops up and makes you wet your pants.

Back to the story…

Danny's eyes opened wide. "A date? Of course not a date. We're just friends remember. It's just a simple way of saying Thank you. Why are you always jumping to conclusions like that? Is it because you **want** to go out on a date with me?" he tossed back. Oh yeah, he was really good at that humorous banter stuff.

It was Val's turn to be embarrassed and flabbergasted. Oh yeah, I like that word.

"NO! I was just simply trying to state the facts. Just so you know. No need to get all snippy."

"Fine," Danny said. "It's a date." Then he jumped up and ran back to school, without letting Valerie get a second word in.

Later that day….

Danny and Val walked through the woods having a grand old time. They were joking and laughing about stuff we couldn't even begin to comprehend.

Just as they were about to reach her house, Danny stopped right in front of a very big and nice looking tree. Val's back was against the tree and her front was facing the sunset and Danny.

_Wow, Danny really does look like a prince in the light of the sunset._

"Val?" Danny asked. "Val?! Earth to Val, wake up. Why are you staring at me like that? It's kind of flattering, yet creepy.

Val snapped out of it and blushed at what she did. _Maybe, just maybe I could tell Danny about my ghost hunting. I'm sure he could handle it and stay out of trouble when a ghost is near by._

"Um, Danny…"

"Yes?" he replied innocently with those big blue eyes. Those eyes that could be seriously hurt or even killed (from her perspective)!

"Never mind."

Now it was Danny's turn to make some half-assed sentences and then say Never mind, except this time, he wouldn't say never mind.

"Valerie thanks for saving my life, even though you didn't half to. Even though I know you wanted to."

"What-?" But she was caught off guard by Danny's mischievous smile and taunting blue eyes.

_Now where have I seen those eyes before? And that smile is driving me crazy! I mean I can't get it out of my mind. I MEAN I'VE SEEN IT SOMEWHERE BEFORE!_

Now, my dear readers, in the full view of the sunset and all its glories, Val stared at Danny with a bit of red in her cheeks. She leaned over a bit towards him, her lips set on a crash course with his. She simply couldn't resist doing it in the warm glow of the sunset.

Danny, fully aware of what was going to happen, slowly did his part.

Slowly, almost there. This was going to be a moment to remember. Okay, almost there brace yourself for impact….

BLAM!

THE VEGGIE BURGER MAKES ITS FINAL COMEBACK!

It turns out that Sam had read their lips and had dragged Tucker along to spy on Danny on his little rendezvous.

That hard cruel burger hit Danny on the back of the head, causing him and Valerie to crash into each other

This time it wasn't foreheads: it was noses.

Danny and Valerie managed to slam noses very hard, causing them to bleed.

"Ow!" Danny cried; he'd also been hit by a cruel, unforgiving, jealousy fueled veggie burger.

"Ow!" Val cried; because her head had slammed back against the tree.

Sam did a silent little victory dance, as Tucker shook his head in a that expressed all the shame Sam had filled him with.

"You know, I think I should be getting home. I have to work on that trig homework Lancer gave."

Danny nodded, fully aware that Mr. Lancer didn't even give homework that day.

Another failed plan, another shame for Tucker.

* * *

Later in the same day…. 

"I AM THE BOX GHOST! FEAR ME!"

Danny blasted a little ectoplasm out of his finger, and then sucked him up in the Fenton thermos.

"You know, Box Ghost, one day I'm really going to kill you," said Danny looking at the thumping thermos.

His musings were short lived however, because he heard a familiar voice behind him

"NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!"

The Ghost Huntress and the Ghost played there usual game of hide and blast.

Danny was getting really good at it, but today, she seemed it a little more vicious than usual.

And she was ranting.

"YOU STUPID GHOSTS RUIN EVERYTHING! IF YOU GUYS JUST STAYED IN THAT TOILET BOWL WHERE YOU BELONGED, I COULD'VE HAD A PROPER DATE TODAY!"

Danny smirked to himself. _So that's what she's peeved about. Well, I can fix that._

He lured her back to that to that same legendary spot where they parted with bloody noses. Then he disappeared making her get all hot and frustrated.

Just as she almost put down her guard, he blasted that big gun right out of her hand, and just as she was about to pull out another weapon, he fired at that little magic wrist watch that somehow held all those little gadgets.

By this time, Val was throwing a tantrum. "DAMN YOU GHOST! AAAAARGH!"

It almost looked as if she was about to break down in tears. She took off her mask and threw it on the ground in a look of pure defeat and defiance. She knew the ghost boy well enough. He wouldn't just attack her when she was defenseless. He was _always_ going on with that 'I don't want to hurt you' stuff. Frankly, it made her job a whole lot easier.

Just as she threw her mask to the ground, he struck.

We swooped down, pinned her to the tree and planted on right on the lips. Not just one of those little kid pecks, but the kind well…it's hard to explain.

You know in the Little Mermaid? When Ursula told Ariel she needed the kiss of true love to break the spell? Well, it was that kind of kiss, but to a lesser degree.

This certainly caught Val by surprise. And, since the ghost boy was much stronger than her, she had to sit it out and enjoy the kiss whether she liked it or not.

It would be a lie to say not.

Then, just as he was about to fly away, HIS NOSE BEGAN BLEEDING!!

OH, THE IRONY!

Valerie saw this and quickly snapped out of her little fantasy world and analyzed the situation. She came up with this:

Something is seriously wrong in this scenario.

"Ghost…your nose."

Danny touched his hand to his nose and saw the blood.

"AW, DAMMIT TO HELL!" He cried and flew away quickly.

* * *

Okay, that's the end. Tell me. What should I do to make chapter 2 better? If there even is a chapter 2. Please give me suggestions, because I really don't know what to do. I did this on the spur of the moment with no motivation whatsoever. 

I know, I'm a horrible author, so please review and help me to become better.

All those feelings I wrote about are stuff I just got from other places. I don't actually feel.

So please help me and review.

Remember, your reviews could help decrease my slow slide into madness

Good bye!


	2. Flashbacks and Diarrhea

**Welcome to chapter 2 of Oh, wow: A hopefully funny story. Before we begin anything I would like to thank some excellent reviewers:**

**Lambin: Wow, you are one smart person. Thanks for the expert criticism. I really needed it. I'll make sure to use your advice while writing this next chapter.**

**Yugi's girl 4ever: I worked hard on trying to find a use for that veggie burger. I'm glad you liked it.**

**Artemis Isis of the Moon: Thanks so much for supporting this story and the couple. I let my friend read it and she was like 'Could you please make it Danny and Sam? Can't you just make him realize he loves her? I hate Danny and Val as a couple.'**

**Karimlan di Sindihan: You said to update and there for I am. Nothing is too good for my readers and reviewers!**

**Truephan: See! I took your advice. You said to change it to 'T' and look! I changed it! Thanks for telling me what to do. Thanks to you, the minds of young children will be safe.**

**DPcrazy: I'm glad you liked it! I hope you like this one!**

**Now that the thank you part is over one with the show!**

* * *

Next day at school, Danny and his friends saw no sign of Valerie whatsoever. Not that they were looking for her. They just wanted to make sure she wasn't suspicious of anything. Well, actually it was more like this: 

It's time for a _flash back..._

Danny: "Hey guys, if you see Valerie anywhere can you tell her I was sick yesterday. I had to go straight home and I came to school around 11:00 on account of stomach problems.

Tucker: "Why? What happened yesterday?"

Sam: "Speaking of which, how was your _date_ yesterday? Everything go hunky-dory? Hmm? Reveal your secret yet?"

Danny: "No, not really. Everything went about as normal as anything involving me could get.

Sam: "Oh really? Well, I was just wondering, have you been _kissing anyone lately?"_

At this point, Tucker was making it a point to try and interrupt the conversation, by making various cutting signals like putting his index finger to his lip or using his hand to cut across his throat as if with a knife. Oh and he was making that annoying 'sh' sound.

Sam's last statement and Tucker's sign language immediately caught Danny's attention.

Danny: "Maybe, why? Have you been spying on anyone lately? Throwing veggie burgers to ruin anyone's date? Hmm?"

Sam's face turned red at being caught.

Sam: "Maybe. Why do you ask? Anyways, I thought that date was purely platonic and 'friendship based'."

Danny: "Hey, wait a minute. What date? I never told you about a date. In fact, I thought I told you and Tucker to leave me alone for a few seconds."

Tucker: "Hey everybody! Look at me! I'm dancing! Avert your attention to Tucker! Let's change the subject! Heehaw!"

They both ignored Tucker and continued there feud.

Sam: "Maybe I could leave if you were more trust worthy and had common sense! I still don't know what your thinking, revealing your secret to Valerie. It's crazy!"

Danny narrowed his eyes and his voice got very low. "So it was you spying on me and throwing veggie burgers. You know if Valerie finds out, it's probably going to be your fault."

Sam dropped her angry face, only to replace it with a confused one.

"What do you mean? I've been against it the whole time."

"That damn veggie burger made my nose bleed and when we were fighting it started bleeding again!"

Tucker, who was idly standing by and being useless, began to get into the conversation.

"So? Why would she think it was you? Wouldn't it be more sensible to think you were bleeding from one of those massive weapons she carries around?"

"Yeah. Why would she think you were Danny Fenton?" Sam added.

Last night, Danny spent a lot of time deciding whether to tell Sam and Tucker what happened. He decided against it, because of various reasons. Sam's infinite stash of veggie burgers, Tucker never being able to look at him without laughing, etcetera.

"That's not the point! The point is, I want you guys to look out for Valerie and if you see her just tell her I was sick or something. If she asks the name of the sickness, make something up."

_End of flashback…_

It was the end of the day before Danny had a chance to really see Valerie. Before, he only saw her during classes and, take it from me, he was pretty happy with what he saw.

_Another flashback…_

Everyone was sitting normally in Lancer's class. No problems, on no worries, no disturbances. Mr. Lancer was on roll, teaching about things you can only learn in Amity Park. All of sudden 'I DID NOT ENJOY IT SO STOP ASKING!'

Everyone stopped. Mr. Lancer stopped. The students stopped. I stopped.

The only people who weren't stuck were Danny, Val and Joe.

Joe was not stuck because he was like, "Okay, chillax!! I just wanted to know if you liked the kissing scene in the movie _Ghost_!"

Val was not stuck because she was blushing so hard and was trying to hide her head in her desk.

Danny was not stuck because he had on a cocky smile on his face because he was the only one who knew what Valerie was talking about.

Well, as you know Mr. Lancer was not very pleased, but since he was on a teaching roll, he decided to move on before he lost his mojo.

_End of flashback…_

Anyways, as he was walking down the block to his house, Valerie caught up to him all out of breath.

"Hey, Danny! Man, you are a fast walker. What did you do fly?"

Danny, being the smart person he is, didn't answer that.

"Ignore that. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Tucker told me about that horrible bout of diarrhea you had yesterday."

Danny stopped and made a mental note to kill Tucker.

"I didn't have diarrhea, just a simple headache. You know, after yesterday."

_Great going, idiot! Danny thought. Way to bring up an awkward conversation!_

"You know, what Danny? Let's forget about yesterday. How about you and I go on a totally platonic date to the fair today? I mean if your diarrhea isn't acting up."

"I told you, IT WASN'T DIARRHEA! And sure, why don't we go tomorrow, at, say, around 6'o clock?"

Later that day…

"I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY, GHOST!"

Danny zipped through the park and zoomed through the trees. Valerie was hot on his tail, but that didn't stop him from having a little fun.

"Oh yeah? I thought you enjoyed it!"

Valerie gave out a strangled yelled, "How dare you even assume that!! I could never enjoy something like that!"

"That look on your face said otherwise."

Valerie surged forward through and threw a whole line of grenades at Danny Phantom.

"You better shut that mouth before I shut it for you!"

"Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"

Lines of familiar banter went back and forth in this manner until Valerie had it up to here – with the ghost kid.

"I'm getting really sick and tired of you! I thought I wasn't going to have to use these! Hell, I don't even know what they do, but say your prayers!"

Valerie took out a very weird looking gadget. It kind of looked like a pokeball from that show pokemon. She pressed the little button and threw it at Danny.

"Oh! I see you have a new toy!" Danny quipped. Those were his last words before the ball exploded with purple dust.

When the dust cleared, Danny was floating there looking absolutely…great! The dust didn't do anything, not even make him dusty.

"Hmm. Guess it was a dud." Danny said before flying away leaving Val with a very confused look on her face.

When she got the package yesterday, Mr. Masters said that it was very powerful and that was all he would tell her. She was to throw the ball to the Phantom and then wait. She wasn't to waste it because the effects of the ball were only temporary.

Weird.

Meanwhile, in a place far away…

I CHOOSE YOU: SQUIRRTLE!

Danny flew home looking very pleased with himself. He had a date with Valerie, his friends forgave him for whatever he did wrong, and everything was peachy keen.

He lay down on his bed and transformed back into Danny Fenton. Ah, life was good.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his side, as if someone stabbed him. Then in his chest, and then all over his body. The worst part was, while all this was happening, he felt his nose tickle as if he had to sneeze. The problem was he didn't have to sneeze and the sensation was really annoying!

The pain stopped as suddenly as it began, only this time something was seriously different. Danny was about an inch taller than he regularly was

His eyes were red and he had on this weird arrogant smirk on his face.

He was different on the inside too.

Very different.

Instead of being the nice, shy, always helpful Danny Fenton, he was mean, and arrogant, and downright cold. Much like his would-be future self Danny Phantom.

But, this Danny wasn't as crazy and was always looking for something to amuse himself with.

You know, if you want to be truly evil, I think all you have to do is stay in a confined space without technology and bore yourself till your half-mad. Haven't you ever noticed that all evil people are, in some way, very bored?

Who would have time for evil things if you had to wash your dog, organize the paperwork for a client?

But back to the point…

Ladies and Gentlemen: Give a round of applause to: EVIL DANNY FENTON!!

Dunna dunna dun, his names Evil Phantom. Dunna dunna dun-na na He's so evil!

Young Danny Fenton, he was about 15 when his secret crush threw a weird spherical machine.

Designed to kill or something obscene. (He's got to kill them all 'cause he's Evil Phantom).

How will this affect his ghost side? What about his totally platonic date with Valerie? Is this new reckless side going to reveal his secret? Are his bowls going to withstand the painful after effects of diarrhea!?

I don't know, but if I where you I'd comeback next time to find out!

* * *

Ok, that's it folks. I know it was kind of short, but what else do you want me to write? You never give me suggestions! Yeah, and I know this chapter sucked, and you probably won't cmoebcak for the next chapter, but I don't blame you. 

Don't worry. I probably wouldn't come back myself.

Review on your way out please. Bye.

Come back for the next chapter which has nothing to do with phantom planets since I didn't see it yet though I hear that there is also an Evil or 'Dark Danny' in there too: Ch.2: Evil Danny Fenton. Watch as Evil Danny terrorizes his friends in the most horrible ways imaginable.

Good Bye!


	3. The Not funny chapter

**I might be smiling on the inside, but I'm crying on the outside.**

**Or something like that. Anyway, I just want to say thank you to the only 3 people sniff who reviewed. This story is bad and I should feel bad.**

**Artemis Isis of the Moon: Yes, Vlad is a sneaky jerk indeed. Thanks, I worked hard on that rhyme. I would've done the whole song, but I couldn't remember the rest.**

**DPcrazy: Thanks for the suggestion. I was going to let Val find out, and then she would freak out or something. I don't really know. The real question is, now that I'm writing chapter 3, am I going to let Val in on the secret? You just changed my mind about, so I'm not quite sure what to do.**

**Yugi's girl 4ever: Maybe I will call Evil Phantom EP for short. It'll be a heck of a lot easier to write. Thanks for making life a little bit easier for me.**

**Anyway, thanks to those 3 reviewers the story is still going on. If no one reviewed I was going to just abandon ship and leave the story hanging. Well, let's see if people review after the read this chapter. I'm running out of ideas, so there's a good chance this will suck. A lot.**

* * *

Danny strode downstairs with a new bounce in his step and a gleam in his eye. His parents were out and Jazz was studying her…stuff on the kitchen table.

"Hey Danny! Where are you going? Out to catch some ghost? Do you need some help?" She eagerly asked.

Don't you hate it when people ask too many questions? I hate that so much, I just want to but the soft meat of they're arms to make them shut up! I especially hate it when you're talking to someone on the phone or computer, and when you say you have to go; they're like 'Why?' I just want to throw a stapler at them.

Danny rolled his eyes, and a sneer crept across his face. "Will you just shut up, nerd for brains? Why do you ask so many freaking questions?"

Jazz stared at him in shock. Her mouth opening and closing like she was going to say something.

Danny sauntered over to the door and walked over to the threshold. Just as he was about to shut the door, he poked his head in and said, "And, for you're information: I'm going out, No and No."

Next victim…

Sam ran out her door and walked over to the park. She was supposed to be meeting Danny there for a little brunch, and it was getting late. If you noticed, Danny didn't eat breakfast when he left the house. Oh, and in case you were wondering, After Danny turned into EP (Evil Phantom) he went to bad, so its Saturday morning now.

She dashed to the park while balancing the wait of her backpack filled with tofu, lettuce and a whole bunch of Ghost hurting stuff.

Suddenly, she bashed into someone in front of her knocking everything, including her, to the floor.

The person whipped around with a scowl on his face and an evil glint in his eye.

It was EP! He was about to say something very ill-tempered but then he saw who he knocked down.

"He-e-e-y Sam. So there's my creepy little Goth girl. Been looking for you. You kept me waiting for a while."

Sam rubbed her injured butt-cheeks and looked up warily at Danny.

"Yeah, sorry about that. When did you become so rock-hard? I nearly broke my face when I bumped into you."

EP just smiled and walked into the park. He didn't even bother helping Sam up.

They silently sat under a nice big shady oak tree, and ate Brunch. All was going as planned until EP decided it was boring and he needed to shake things up a bit.

"You know Sam, the strangest thing ever happened to me the other day. I was walking with the Tucker, while you were at Goth-appaloosa and you know what he said?

He said, 'Hey, Danny. You won't guess who likes you."

Sam stopped chewing for a second, and then watched EP through narrow eyes as if he was going to bite her. "Really? What else did he say?"

EP carefully watched Sam's face. He was looking for any sign of doubt or unease in her expression. All she had was the usual, bored paranoid look.

"He said that I knew her and that she was also a vegan-Goth person."

Sam's left eye twitched, and EP saw that. This was like some weird game of poker or something. He also heard her heart beating rapidly under all that creepy tough Goth clothes.

Isn't that creepy?

Sam wasn't to be swayed that easily, she kept her cool, much to EP's exasperation.

As long as she kept that façade, this was going to get even more boring.

"Wow", said Sam. "That's pretty vague. There are a lot of Goth vegan girls at Casper High. What happened next?"

EP smiled at this last comment and got up to throw away his trash. "I'll tell you later. Why don't we take a walk to digest all that food?"

Wordlessly, Sam got up and threw her trash away. As they began walking, Danny picked up where he left off. And for those of you who are wondering, Tucker never said any of those things. Just because Danny is an oblivious little freak doesn't mean

EP is also.

"You know what else Tucker told me? He also said that"-Danny leaned real close to her ear for this one-"She knows my secret."

EP: ruining one life at a time.

Sam gave EP a sideways glance. She wasn't going to give up that easily. "Which secret? The one about you and Tucker when you were at the zoo, or the one when you nearly died because Mr. Bear got lost?"

EP laughed. "Whoa Sam! Take it easy! Why so catty all of a sudden? It's not lie I was implying anything. Were you?"

Sam laughed nervously too, "Whoops! Sorry you had to see that side. I probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed! I wasn't implying anything if that's what you're saying!"

Wow, this part is becoming way too long. I was supposed to fit EP's encounter with Tucker and Danny's date in here. If Sam keeps dragging this part on, I'm going to have to put Danny's date in a whole other chapter. Isn't this part getting a bit too weird or kind of not-funny anymore? This is supposed to be a funny story, and here I am betraying you're trust.

I'm Sorry.

EP got a puzzled look on his face. "While we're still on the subject Sam, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. I've been noticing a lot of weird things lately."

As he was talking, he kept taking steps toward Sam, and she kept taking step back.

"I've noticed a lot of anger and jealousy in you, whenever I mention Paulina, Ember, or even Valerie."

Now Sam's back was against the fence that surrounded the park. EP leaned in closer to her face now that she had no place to step back. "Why is that?" he whispered with his head cocked to the side.

You know what's really annoying me right now? The fact that Sam hasn't noticed that EP has red eyes and Danny has blue. How can you not notice that?

Sam stared at Danny with a bewildered look on her face. "What's gotten into you Danny?"

EP smiled slyly and leaned even closer, "Why don't you find out?" and then, when you thought this scene couldn't get any weirder, He phased through Sam and out of the park.

"Sorry I had to cut or little date short, but I've got places to go, people to terrorize. You understand."

And then he took off into the sky, not bothering to change into Evil Ghost form. Sam just stood there with a look of utter disillusionment.

Tucker's story…

I promise you that this part will be a heck of a lot funnier than Sam's part. I have no idea what I was doing and I hope you will forgive me.

EP flew to Tucker's window and let himself in. "Tuck my man. How've you been doing?"

Tucker raised an eyebrow to Danny's new cool appearance. He saw something different about him, but ignored it to tell Danny the good news.

"Danny, guess what? I found a way to improve the Fenton Thermos. I fixed it so the release button won't be so easily pressed. You know, just in case we accidentally let some ghost out. Oh, and can you stop calling me Tuck? It's annoying." Tucker waved the thermos in his hand to show to Danny.

EP frowned at Tucker's enthusiasm. "First of all, _Tuck_. When you say, 'Just in case we accidentally let some ghost out' I think you mean, 'when you accidentally let some ghost out. Don't push your follies on other people. Second of all-"He snatched the thermos out of Tucker's hand, "How did you make this? From what I know, you're pretty useless without you're PDA."

"For your information, I fixed your stupid thermos with my new Mini-laptop scanner thingy." Tucker Snapped.

The mini-laptop scanner thingy has a fancy name; I just don't know it.

"Hmm, thanks Tuck. I'll need this." EP began walking over to the window to fly out.

"Danny! That's not yours and I still need to stabilize it to make sure it works properly!"

Tucker began to walk over to EP to get the thermos, but EP took the top off and pointed it at Tucker. "Hmm, you know Tuck. I've always wondered if these things work on humans. Just imagine being sucked up and broken down into a singularity. Ouch."

Fenton Thermos revved up and that why light began glowing inside, then it died.

"Tuck, you have to remind me to try this thing on someone."

This part isn't funny at all! I'm sorry I lied to you. I know I shouldn't have betrayed your trust like that, and I'm sorry.

Tucker smiled in relief and tried to bring Danny down from this weird mood swing thing he was in. "Hey Danny before you go, I didn't show you what my new Mini-laptop scanner thingy could do."

EP strode over to the Machine and inspected it.

"Why don't _I_ show you what it can do? It can do this!" EP took the thingy and kicked it out the window, and all you heard was a crash of glass and metal.

Then Silence.

Tucker let out the loudest girliest scream in the history of all male vocalists. This was the day 10 puppies and 10 kittens died. This was the day Darth Vader took over the Galaxy and destroyed all the Jedi's.

This was the day the portal to the land of magic and wonder closed. This was the day all the colors in the world faded into nothing.

This was the day Tucker's Mini-laptop scanner thingy broke.

What a day it was.

While Tucker screamed EP let out the most maniacal, evil laugh ever and then jumped out the window.

EP was feeling really charged up and couldn't wait for his date with Valerie. He had something really special in store for her.

Meanwhile…

Danny watched in horror as his friends fell under the tyrannical rule of EP. He needed to find a way to gain control of his body before EP does something really stupid.

I'm so tired of writing. I think I'm going to end the chapter here, now that you know what EP is capable of doing.

It was so tiring thinking of ways to mentally and emotionally destroy Danny's friends. I don't think I could do anything about the date.

So here we go…

What does EP have in store for Valerie? Will Danny gain control of his body before it's too late? Are you going to comeback later? Well we'll find out next time in:

Chapter 4!

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That's it folks. I know you guys wanted to read about the date, but I need to save the best for last.

Besides, I don't have any good ides. What do _you_ want to happen on their date? Tell me so I can make a story out of it and so the next chapter won't be as boring.

Okay, see you guys later!

Don't forget to review!!


	4. Cure to cancer

**Ok! Here I am and better than ever! Let's get this ball rolling, but before I do here's a word of thanks to some reviewers:**

**Artemis Isis of the Moon: I'm glad a few parts of the Not Funny chapter made you smile. It was the best I could do!**

**DPcrazy: Wow! You are really helpful!! That was one huge and detailed idea! I'm thinking of going down a slightly different path. You'll see what happens real soon. It's not as good as your idea, but I want this story to be totally me!**

**Okay, that's it. Don't ask me how I can live life with only 2 reviews, but thanks to those 2 wonderful people, I've found a reason to continue.**

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Valerie slid on her light purple shirt over her head and pulled her jeans over her head. She had on these thin running shoes and a pair of fingerless black gloves over her hands. She was prepared for anything. Tonight was going to be perfect, and no ghost was going to ruin it for her. Honestly, she had been waiting or this night for quiet a while now.

Even when she was popular, she had a little thing for Danny. She was always watching him out of the corner of her eye, and whenever she scanned the cafeteria, looking foe seats, she would always linger on him a few seconds longer.

Unfortunately, her dad caught her trying to stab the Box Ghost once and for all, so he had to take away her weapons. Almost had him…

So, my dear readers, now that you know Valerie has no ghost fighting weapons, does that heighten the excitement?

No?

Okay.

Since Val was without weapons, which I have been saying for 2 mini-paragraphs, she was prepared to fight hand to hand. Running shoes for speed, fingerless gloves for non-bruised punching knuckles, and jeans for a higher kick without exposing underwear.

Oh yeah, she was prepared for everything. Everything except for what was coming to take her on a date! As she looked herself over in the mirror, she noticed something moving in the reflection of her doorway. Val turned around only to become caught off guard by none other then…

EP! He was standing unusually close to her and was looking down at her with those mocking I'm-better-than-you-in-every-way eyes.

"Oh! Danny, I didn't expect you to be here so early!" she squeaked. Something was a little unnerving about him today.

"Don't sweat it Val, I've got something I've wanted to show you, so the sooner we get there the better.

They walked out of her room and down the stairs. You should know that Val's dad got his job back, but now they were just moderately rich. I don't like my characters being poor.

"I'm going out Daddy! I'll be back later!"

Daddy called out something incomprehensible and then was silent. He was busy doing some of that weird stuff only residents of Amity Park can do.

Val and EP walked outside in the dark and toward the fair. They were talking about things our human minds can't even comprehend when all of a sudden, EP saw a group of squirrels. They were just sitting around, doing squirrelly things; not hurting anybody.

Regrettably, this all you need to do to incur EP's wrath. He waved his hand in such a way that told Val to stop moving and to not make a sound.

From his back pocket, he pulled out a: POKE-BALL!! Yeah, the one from pokemon.

He aimed for a squirrel in the tree and then flung the ball with all his might at the little creature.

Well, needless to say, the squirrel got hit with full force and as it fell out of the tree it began writhing and wiggling in a weird way. It hit the floor and then stopped moving. When Val went to go get a closer look, it leaped up and ran back to the tree.

Unfortunately, it ran head first into the trunk and died.

Val stared in horror as EP began stepping on squirrels, throwing rocks at them and kicking them.

"Danny! What is wrong with you?! Why are you killing the squirrels? Stop!"

EP stopped his reign of terror and looked at Valerie. "What? Are you going to try and stop me?" He asked with an evil glare.

She gasped and looked up at him (he's taller then her by 6in).

"Danny," she pleaded. "Could we please just go to the fair?"

EP smiled at her vulnerability and said, "Whatever you want babe."

They walked silently until they saw the bright flashing lights of the fair and the never ending cries of fun.

"So, where do you want to go first?" Val asked. "The Big Wheel or the Dragon Coaster?"

EP smiled a malicious smile and turned to face her. "I had something else in mind, but I guess we'll save that for later. What about the Devil's Hoof?"

Val stared at EP with wide eyes. "The Devil's Hoof; But that's like the biggest and scariest ride here!"

"Exactly."

EP was dragging Valerie by her legs to the Devil's Hoof. It doesn't matter if you fought one-hundred ghosts and ninja and ghost-ninja blindfolded, you needed a special something to ride the Devil's Hoof without fear.

"Come on, Val! It's not that bad! Stop being such a freaking baby!"

"NO! I CAN'T DO IT! I'M GOING TO DIE!!"

EP's nostrils flared in frustration and he did only thing he could do: He took Valerie by the waist and swung her over his shoulder. They were going to ride the Devil's Hoof if it was the last thing they'd do.

He quickly walked over to the ticket man and tied Valerie to a seat. He sat right next to her and his heart did a little dance of joy, because of her screams of terror.

Don't you just love the sound of terrorized people?

The ride started and they were thrust into a maddening world of darkness and images that not even the most sinister mind could imagine.

When they got off, EP had a satisfied smirk on his face and Val was holding her arms, as if they might fall off.

"Woo! What a rush! I think we'll need to take a little break. Why don't I give you the surprise then?"

"Th-tha…I-I- ugh." Was Val's traumatized reply.

EP laughed heartily and they walked to a secluded area in the park. Val sat on the brick wall that overlooked the whole town, along side of EP. The moon was bright and round and the stars stared down and mocked you and your petty attempts at recognition.

Damn stars…

They sat there for a while and Val finally calmed down, even though her legs were still wobbly from the ride. EP stared at Valerie and smiled. He didn't know whether to kill her, torture her, or just push her off the wall.

He decided to torture a bit, using the same method he used on Sam. That one was just so much fun!

What will Val do?

Will EP tell the secret?

Do you think you're brave enough to ride the Devil's Hoof?

Well, better comeback next time and…No, just kidding.

Let's read the rest shall we?

"Val?" EP asked very innocently. Almost as if he was actually Danny Fenton.

"Hmm?"

"I've been noticing something kind of weird. Why is it every time I look at you, you blush?"

Val nearly choked on the gum she was chewing and slowly turned to look at EP.

"What do you mean?" She wasn't as good at hiding her '#$ he knows! Face' like Sam was.

EP smiled to himself in the dark. "Take now, for an example. I can hear your heart beating like a scared horse and you look a little dumbstruck."

He grinned and leaned close to her. "Whatsa matter Val? Have a little crush on someone? You can tell me."

Well Val, wasn't having any of that. She decided to play a bit with EP's head which is one thing you should never do cause it will always come back to bite you in the ass.

"Well, it's just that you remind me of someone I kind of like."

EP looked at her in genuine surprise. This certainly was not what he expected.

"Really? And who might that lucky guy be."

"His name is Danny. Danny-"

A few tense cricket filled moments passed by.

"-Phantom."

DAMMIT VALERIE! Don't you know the type of trouble you're cajoling? Do you _like_ making me use that word?

EP started laughing and didn't stop for a long while. She was making things soooo much easier for him.

"Then have I got a surprise for you!!" He yelled, and slowly but surely, 2 white rings formed at his middle and began moving up.

I say slowly because everything was moving in slow-motion.

Meanwhile…

Danny Fenton was sitting in the bleak barren waste-land that (not surprisingly) was his mind.

He was running back and forth in frantic circles, because he was freaking out.

Since he was in EP's mind he knew what EP was planning about 3 seconds before EP did.

In a weird hysteria induced impulse Danny screamed STOP IT!! Like the angst-y teenager he was.

He clutched his brain and started yelling things like GET OUT OF MY BRAIN! And ARGH!

Little did he know that he was making EP scream out the exact same thing along with some kind of weird mambo step.

Yes, Valerie stared in horror as the boy in front of her began screaming and doing the cha-cha.

Finally, in one big fluid motion, EP reached into his own body with both hands and pulled Danny Fenton out.

Yes, you guessed it. There were 2 separate people standing in front of one very traumatized Valerie Gray.

EP now had snow white hair and glowing red eyes, while Danny was standing there looking very normal.

Out of instinct Val hit her wrist expecting some kind of weapon to pop up but only succeeded in breaking her wrist.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Val screamed.

Danny stepped forward, trying to frantically explain what was going on while EP just stood with his back to both of them.

"Nice going, Fen-idiot," EP said to Danny.

Danny took a step closer to Val in an attempt to talk to her, but she just threw her hands up and told him to stay away.

"I want you tell to tell me exactly what is going on Danny! Right now and No lies!!"

Danny gulped and tried to fix up a plausible story. "Ok um… he's a ghost and he…eh…over shadowed me?"

"Oh would you just get over yourself?" EP cried angrily. "The truth is he's actually-"

But at the moment, guess who decided to show up.

"I AM THE BOX GHOST! BEWARE!"

Valerie had just about enough of everything at that moment. She knew Danny was lying and that EP was just about to make everything a whole lot clearer.

"NO! WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU!!"

Val picked up a rock with her good hand and hit the box ghost right in the head. His head broke in just like a china doll and you could see his brain.

The Box Ghost was now a horrifying image that only haunted the most plagued and darkest minds.

The Box Ghost screamed and flew off the other way, brain and all.

"NOW, IF ANYONE OF YOU TRIES ANYTHING, YOU'LL BE LOOKING AT THE BUSINESS END OF THIS ROCK! NOW I WAN'T TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!" She yelled with the wrath of 10 angry women.

"O-okay, Val just calm down. The truth is…"

And just as Danny was about to make everything right. Just as he was about to give the cure to aids, cancer, world hunger and war…

"The truth is I'M going to be attending Casper High tomorrow so I'll be seeing you both later. Too bad we couldn't finish our date Val, but don't worry I'll find away to make it up to you." EP winked and flew off into the sky, giving Danny his chance to turn intangible and weasel out of it.

In the end, all that was left of that night was Val and her broken wrist.

What's going to happen next? Is EP really going to their school? Will Danny reveal his secret? Is Val going to get her wrist fixed before school tomorrow? Why was this chapter so poorly written?

Find out next time in the next chapter of Oh wow: A hopefully funny story!

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Ok, I seriously need some ideas. That's why this chapter took so long and was so bad. I need to turn the air conditioner on.

See ya later!


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